I Don't Know

how I manage to incubate my thoughts sometimes.

Emotions are common; they are not exclusive to each individual. While one is hurting, another far away could be feeling the same, possibly worst.

How is it that the motion of life, albeit separate, can be so largely similar?

I've been incubating thoughts and actions for years that I've always feared to act on, to shout it out loud.

In all honesty, I don't believe I am there yet. Baby steps that take years to progress...

Been out from sports for a month now. I've never been more patient than I am today, and I have no idea how I braced this month.

In fact, I don't really remember how everything happened - the chronology, the pain, the ordeal, the emotions.

I just want to get by, get past, and forget.

Tonight.

There's a fine line between HOPE and EXPECTATIONS.

Hope is what we wish to have, with whatever little faith in you.

Expectations is what you want to have, what you think you might have.

More often that not, expectations fail you.

A friend recently told me that she was going to aim high. It might be far from her grasp, but at least she'd land on the clouds when she falls, and not the hard, cruel, concrete ground.

Just yesterday, I was fuming mad over a particular incident.

Then G asked me what I was mad at: That we got chased out of our own class due to crashers, or because our friends were selfish.

It startled me for a split second, but without a doubt I was gravely affected by both.

Emotions overlap. It is a hard line to draw.

Here I am tonight, and I'm asking myself the same question- Which is worse?

That he left without me, or that he is here but not with me?

I honestly cannot draw this defining line. I really, rather not know.

I'm A Dried Strawberry.

I'm literally dying.

In every aspect. Academically, physically, emotionally, mentally.

I keep building up defences for self-protection but eventually I have to tear them down with my own bare hands. 

ARGH. Why can't things take a different turn?

HI BESTIE, if you see this. Thanks for your silent company(:

"I'll go wherever you go."

HDid you know the weather actually affects you mood.
Seef once told me,
Something about thunderstorms removing your negative ions from your body.
so you have more positive ions and it actually makes you moody.

so much for positivity huh.
we should all consume some negativity and have a larger concentration of negative ions to keep us happy people.

and yay sc did laundry for me. love yoooooooooo.

*

You've got no answers but you've got your concerns
About the people we see
And all the secrets we keep
I think about what you're expecting of me
Like you don't know how it is,
But I can see all of it.




The Academy Is.

How's It Gonna Be?

Excitement comes with a little bit of fear,
anxiety comes with a little bit of optimism,
happiness comes with a little bit of bliss,
disappointment comes with a little bit of new hope.

will emotions ever be sole?

Well, I'm not complaining though.

-

I LOVE WEEKENDS.
They are too freaking short.


Everybody, you should go listen to Cartel.

My WestEast side Story.

Well, ignoring that the weather was a total bitch,
I got soaked though I had an (ugly) umbrella,
I had to brave the rain and walk through ankle-high flooded terrains,
I sacrificed my shoes and jeans,
I took a bus, a train, and ANOTHER bus all the way to the East,
I was at the doorstep,
She said, "No.",
I walked off, listening to repeated useless apologies,
was called back after walking off,
I flicked my Superman tag (Which I'm using as a bookmark) down the railway tracks,
I attempted jumping over a (orange coloured) puddle of rain water but I sucked so splashed it on myself,
lost 54756732$ on Blackjack,

EVERYTHING ELSE TODAY WENT PERFECT. (hur!)
If any consolation, at least I wasn't the one who had my Oreo milkshake splattered all over my shirt when I (maybe, violently) poked my straw. HEH HEH.


So, Today, today, I got punk'd by a Hongkong Family.
Fucken waste of my time. (AND MONEY. TRANSPORT FEE WAS LIKE ALMOST 4$!)

-

Different inputs from different adults have led to much confusion,
and baby steps towards discouragement with every conversation.
To start, I'm merely a blind sheep waiting for my Shepard to guide my way,
No, make me a blind deer.
Simply because I've no-eye-deer. (No Idea)
An encouragement to pursue my interest contradicts the advice to do something beneficial that would eventually to a job guaranteed to make big bucks in the future.
In the first place, do I even know what my Interest is anymore?
The printed alphabets on that slip of paper reflects an interest contrary to what I truly enjoy.


I remember L saying he wants to be a millionaire by 31.
It may be a little ambitious for a dream,
but at least he has one.
What's mine?
(Get married by 29? Haha. LOSERRR)

-


Amidst the conversation, lies the awkward silences and inevitable pauses we all wish to avoid.
I tried; it was not confiding, it was merely ranting and salvaging uneasy moments.
Will things, ever be the same again?

Wait.
How the hell did we wind up like this?
I miss you but I won't tell you. And this is not a confession.

You Lifted Me High With Your Words, But Left Me Hanging With Your Acts.

Today's one of those days where you simply feel paradoxical-
a little bittersweet goodbyes,
a little disappointment,
a little heave of relief,
a little shock from oblivion,
a little touched by unawareness,
a little irritated from compliance,
a little lifted by love.

It's been weeks since I had dinner at home, and home is the best solitary shelter. (:

-


Is it worth it can you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day

Don't wake me up.

I was reading through my mail box, and I chanced upon this,

From a really long time ago:

Hold my heart, memories are still singing, even if i have no voice.
Sing without you, I'll sing without you,
can't you feel my pain, there's nothing I can do.
I still have a longing for your memory, even if the memory is only pain.
I won't let my feelings show.
Now, I don't want to be alone.
In the pouring rain, it all must be a dream, from tomorrow on...

(translated from Longing, X japan.)

**

Anyway,

(okay meet the bastard that robbed me of my juice.)

Christmas is coming and Crabs made me that! (:

Today, I've been struck by lotsa waves.

Heat wave, shopping wave, terror wave..

Wave of emotions, simply.

I felt totally swept off my feet, and slammed to the ground by this strong current.

I was rudely awoken to this harsh, cold, reality.

I was cruelly punished- slowly and painfully. And I still choose to believe it's unfair.

Anyhow, I told Crabby.

"Not worth keeping."

Really.

And truth hurts.

And it stinks too.

HAHAHAHA.

This is late,

But Happy FGMD, my dear.