bringiton.

Today I learnt the progression of my Mixed Team Captain's Level of Intensity.

He always wears a cap, so the progression goes like this:

(Lowest Intensity) Cap -> Wear cap the other way round (like a Kid Rapper) -> Throw the cap on the ground (Mega Intense + Aggressive )

I shall find my level of intensity and aggression like his too. With my books, for my exams.

Maybe I'll start with filling up my pencil case. So the fatter it is, the more intense I am with studying =)

HEHEHEHE.

Bella.

I am...

panic attacking for the second time for Wednesday's paper.

BUT : I have a paper tomorrow so there should be no reason for me to neglect it.

S says I should stop thinking about it so I've kept all the notes, past year papers, tutorials, and everything that reminds me of Advanced Materials Processing in a file and hid it under my table.

Spent the weekend in hall, except Friday night and the first half of Saturday.

Surprised Seef over breakf with the other 4 of Bao (sorry you couldn't be there Sheryl!) to celebrate her 21st one day early. (:

So I'm finally starting exams tomorrow! (: About time, when people around me are beginning to E-N-D. :( 7dec sounds so far away, but shall not complain about the time I have on hand to use for revision! (:

Need to go for a run soon. Getting oversized.

All this time.

Life is points:

• had a durian party in my room last week, stank up the whole place and the toilet and attracted a mother huge flying cockroach. plus we also wasted the whole night
  
• a weekend with no touch (whee!) but lotsa penanglove from grandma
• slacked it away mostly too
• headed down to town on sat night to catch the christmas light ups!
• surprised zi at midnight for her 21st and
• met KIWI! who looks like a stuffed toy. and taught her to jump out of her cage
• studied with penguin on sunday
• sent grandma off back to malaysiaaa on monday :(
• met alfie laoda nusbff on TUES (!) for lunch where xp overslept
• but thanks birdnuts for accompanying me
• and then i sprained my ankle :( :( :(
• and now i can't walk properly.
• had 02 consultation earlier this afternoon
• and i'm kkkkkkkonfused to the max.
• am gonna grow fat with all the food on my table despite eating dinner earlier on: oyster mee sua, bubble tea with pearls and jelly (where's my koi?! :( )
• shall attempt abstaining from fb/blogger/tweet for a while now.
• if you wanna look for me, you know where to find me. @philooos.
• need to catch up in my race against time.

Friday, the 13th.

Everything happens for a reason.

Thought I'd meet the Bestie for supper so I didn't want to ask the CarameloFrappo to accompany me study so I didn't go down to study cos I don't like being alone. So I came online to get some company and listen to music and do work in Brother's room.

Company: checked.
Music: checked.
Do work: Unchecked.

Not only did I not get any work done, I also dug my own pathway to find my own grave.
If only something which happened in the previous string of events didn't occur I wouldn't be where I am now.
You're not the only one who knows how to avoid and run away from reality you don't want to face,
so do I. I just don't cos it comes back to haunt you anyway.


So this tallies with how I feel tonight:

I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs
I never needed pain, I never needed strain
My love for you was strong enough, you should have known

I never needed you for judgements
I never needed you to question what I spent
I never asked for help, I take care of myself
I don't know why you think you gotta hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations
There isn't anything for you to say
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,
So look at me and listen to me
Because

I don't want to stay another minute
I don't want you
to say a single word
Hush hush, hush hush
There is no other way, I get
the final say because
I don't want to do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush hush, hush hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush hush

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say
I never needed words, I never needed hurt
I never needed you to be there every day

I'm sorry for the way I let go
On everything I wanted when you came
along
But I ain't never beatin', broken not defeated
I know next to you
is not where I belong

What a wet Friday the 13th.
Didn't realise it til G mentioned it halfway into the day.

~

Thank you Baby, the cookies are yummehlicious! (:

Now, back to the books.

But tell me how do I get started?

PPS: The terrapin is returned to its owner :( Byebye Ji Lucky!

Goodbye 3005!

Life is.......

hectic these days. I barely get to pause and think about stuff.

Last week, I spent the first half of every day interacting with kids almost a decade younger than me. From tag rubgy, to bowling, rock climbing, vulgarities, flying punches to the face, playing truant ; I have seen almost everything.

Ek and I laugh it off after each day, and we feel really old. Almost 10 years older, yet among them we feel their age. It's like, we've never really grown out of our teenage years..

Rock climbing was super fun though! I climbed til I ached so bad after that. I couldn't write cos my arms were trembling (slightly) so yes, hats off to Ms. KWANJIELING. You're my ouxiang! (: Haha

Over the weekends, I also had two consecutive nights of Steamboat for dinner which was shiok beyond words since the weather was c-c-c-old. (:

After steamboat on Sat with Arthur & Mal, we caught Sister'sKeeper which was really quite sad..... We all expected to cry but the two boys didn't. I didn't cry as much as I thought I would too.

And FRIDAY! Friday was an impromptu supper with Mamadao and nuer dearest! We headed down to C.heesecake cafe then to upperchangi road for some awesome bcm meesua. We talked about life and reminisced about the past (as usual). We also talked about our future, and how the flavour of the cheesecake we ordered reflected our lives............

Wasted my entire weekend on Touch too. :( We had two games on Saturday. One was good, one was way way way below standard. But we were truly worn out by the end of the day. Then Sunday again at Turf for a Day Nat Training Camp. :\ Headed down with fishy. (:

So yes, no work completed over the weekend, thus leaving me with

• Presentation slides
• Presentation Rehearsal
• Sound quiz
• 3007 quiz
• 3002 assignment
• 3007 webcast from Friday
• Tutorials

left undone. It's midweek today and I'm glad half of the above is over. (:

Presentation today was all right; it wasn't awesome. But Q&A was terrible. We couldn't answer a question and were sent back to "do your readings". SIGH.

Sounds was harder than expected: "List 3 journals"

Even the frantic flipping of my notes whenever possible didn't help. The answers aren't even there. -_-

For now, I can finally take a deep breath before I start again.

Need to prepare for another hectic week(end) ahead juggling Touch, Arthur's farewell, and studies.

3 tests next week.

And exams in two weeks.

I. Am. So. Dead.

PS: My neighbours found a baby terrapin outside their room last night!

Life This Week

• Video review on Monday followed by Team dinner at HV. All 14 of us were also officially "dropped from the IVPee team" as of then.
• Lotsa studying involved for the big 40% test that just happened today
• Skipped school on Tuesday (except Tutorial) and made the Baby come over to accompany me study. (I had to entice her with Snow Ice)
• The annual iyg capt's ball on Tues night: too many teams pulled out, so we won (again) but it wasn't as fun :(
• Decided to give training on Wednesday (since there was much to cover AND it thunderstormed before that) a miss but went down to settle log anyway.
• HallIdol took place just downstairs so I couldn't study in the room (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
• I know I've lotsa things to do but I need a break from the intensive 3001 studying (because I was semi last minute. Sobs)
• Was super hungry and craving for Icecream but thanks S for the yummiest pigsorgan soup every (though I don't eat pigs organ)
• Currently on repeat: Give by Dishwalla. (:

"if you don't mug, you die!!!!!!!"


Thanks, Chou Chou.

TigerLily.

A post of the infamous long weekend:

Filled with much reunions (big and small), realizations, celebrations and expectations.

Dinner with S and family over steamboat, then cousin's birthday celebration where I was greeted with too many kids, I can no longer remember their names.

Supposed to attend Moo's 21st but sorry for the clash of events =(

During their Recess/my public holiday, I caught up with Yanns and Yarns over Aston's (old time favourite) and an Indonesian dessert: baked banana over condensed milk sprinkled with chocolate flakes and shredded cheese. Mmmmm, heavenly. =) And as the Crabs observed, we were dressed in each other's House colours: Yellow, Blue, Green.

Also caught Inglorious Basterds; wasn't what I expected but I enjoyed it. A heavy hearted show (compared to Ugly Truth), and it was kinda tragic, but I like. =)

Plus, late night study sessions til I get damn brain dead. And the evils of temptation: Strawberry sundae at 1am, French fries at 3am.

My emotional jar probably also overflowed over the weekend from feelings suppressed for too long. But I also learnt that there is not always an answer to every question.

Neither is there a lesson to be learnt from every thought dwelled over too much.

AND, that one day in the future, we will only regret the things we NEVER did, and not those we did.

Will you be my plain water?

My Fourth Finger REALLY Hurts.

I've been writing til my fingers hurt really badly,

til they feel swollen actually.

Like my dear friend says, "sleep less";

tonight is the last chance I choose revision over sleep.

Which I shall do.

(I need it anyway(: )

I'm hungry though.

The Final One.

Upon dismissal, everyone screamed and shouted, cheered and rejoiced.

Except me.

I didn't need a premature celebration, neither do I want it.

In fact, I barely deserve it.

One last paper tomorrow, which is a dire consequence of my ill-discipline last sem.

About 22 more hours to liberation; I don't know which to feel. Anticipation? Or intimidation?

22 hours more also indicates 20 hours max left for revision (excluding the deduction of SLEEP)

Just a few days ago, I was lectured for allowing myself the luxury of sufficient sleep despite the never-ending work to be scanned into my ohsominute brain. I tried sleeping less, it didn't work out as well as I'd thought. 

Anyhoo, thank you all who have been extremely encouraging(: For your text(s) to keep me going. It has been really sweet, and motivating.

I don't always believe in second chances, but this is my second chance.

I'm not going to screw it up again. (:

Pn junction, solar cells, semiconductors, Fermi levels; HERE I COMEEEE! :D

Meanwhile, enjoy liberation the rest of you. (:

We decided to give Skalex a shirt I could no longer wear. (:

Boys Are Smelly!

PS: Ding, I tried the white Kinder B.ueno already! AWESOME!!!!!!! :D Haha. I'm never gonna eat the normal one anymore(:

I Am So Tired Of Studying.

I have lost track of time,

like a spaceman walking on moon- how the effect of gravity is less and everything seems to feel slower.......

Today we got distracted by games on Black Beauty(: (Awww)

My friend, WtheWonderboy said playing too much Topple sucked his brainjuice dry so he put an abrupt and advanced end to his day.

He also told us a joke,  which he laughed two times harder than we did after he said the answer:

"Which is the most dangerous city?"

--"Electric."

(5 seconds of silence)

--"Electric- city! HAHAHAHAHA x1000"

We probably also top the list for Library-Rebels since we do everything we shouldn't : Eat, Talk (real) loudly -subconsciously or not, have our handphones (not!) in silent mode, blasting music from whichever electronic device (accidentally, I swear!!).

But anyhoo, we sat beside really nice people today who gave ForgetfulFavier foolscap paper(:

PS: Black Beauty is the Ipod touch. And in case you were wondering, NO. It isn't meant to have any unintended relation to the owner.

Now?

The weekend passed like pseudo post-exams,

Friday with Family,

Saturday playing Touch and supper with Bao,

Sunday spent at church, shopping, airport slacking and watching soccer.

It also felt somewhat like a celebration, where we treated ourselves to good food; Mac Breakfast, Kenny Rogers, Sushi, Kickass prawn noodles, Supper at T.ongshui, X.in wang .....  .

The sun on Saturday was mega hot, so hot I had goosebumps. Weird, cos it has never happened before and I thought they'd only appear when I'm extremely cold.

We won 8-7, not too convincing a win, but one nonetheless. Grazed my knees and nearly evaporated under the heat. =(

Then an impromptu supper retreat, which led to lotsa screaming in the car (which isn't uncommon). It was a good catch up, a good break from revision, a good source of comfort- that old times never die. 

Sunday, travelled to about two places to get a watch with a heart rate monitor. When we finally found it, turns out they didn't have the strap, so we got another (which in my opinion, is probably only third or fourth best ) Studied for about two hours or so before we headed East to Bedok, an hour early. Aiport for dinner, and supposedly study, but the plane landed early and dinner took longer than expected no thanks to poor service. 

Stayed up to watch M.anU lose. >=( Even though they fielded a really young team, I thought they'd still pull through. We went into penalties and lost. YOU KNOW WHY? Cos VANDERSAR didn't play. =) Still think Welbeck sucks btw.

Mommy sent us back to hall after lunch today(: Yay to a spare car for two weeks! :D I tried starting to shift out and unknowingly packed two (huggee) bags worth of clothes but my wardrobe still looks the same.

PS: The touch is home, still sealed, and hidden in a corner under my table.

(NO GPANG you are not going to open it for me(: )

PPS: 2 people walked past and commented how shag/stressed/qiao cui I look, another via webcam, and another over dinner. This is not a good sign. =(

Agape.

There is no Love greater than that of God's.

This weekend, He reminded us of the meaning of that 4-lettered word.

A word we learnt since young, in our children's rhyme, from our parents/grandparents.

And the simplest form, yet the one most difficult to achieve is that of Self-sacrifice.

From John 3:16, we know, He has sacrificed The Best for us. And with that, there is nothing else God won't do for us, because He loves us.

How do You define Love?

In 1 Cor 13:4-7; the boundaries have been drawn.

I know I keep quoting these verses, but it serves as a reminder. Maybe to myself.

It is patient, and it is not proud.

We are taught to love our neighbours as ourselves, to love your enemy.

So how do we Love?

--------------------------------------------

Thursday; lunch at HollandV with Mrsdarcy and Wei'an,

followed by a series of quick shopping for the patient, and a (unintended sinful) food visit down to Crabby's. We tried to talk happy stuff/silly stuff and distract her from her discomfort and pain. I dare say to us, happyfood always works best(: + helium balloons! Nothing is as happy as helium balloons(: We got a H.arry Potter one  since she already had every other Get-well-soon balloon that caught our eye. The other two made a few phone calls to check the spelling of EXPELLIARMUS which we finally did, thanks to Wei'an(:

We had desserts from Da Paolo (supermothereffingkickassawesome!), the new kinder surprise, her Ahgong bought us Icecream from the Icecream man (old school but love it!) and we had more sugar rush from reminiscing the trigger happy JC days. 

Dinner with Dxxx where we over ate, then shopped a little for destress(: Hah.

Thanks for telling me my nonexistent bicepped arms are huge. I love you very much. ROAR.

Friday: Church- A solemn, solemn Good Friday.

Yet, why is this Good Friday good? (For you to answer yourself)

Studied studied cried studied cried cried studied studied. :(

Saturday: The Bestie had me over so we could study together while not being in an airconditioned place (fluuu!) We had the clock resounding every hour, counting down to the bare hours left to my paper (she only starts much later!) and being fed by Y.fei + Dennis. They made ice cream (cookies&cream + Hazelnut) and durian puffs; so we just ate. And after dinner we had tangyuans too. Basically we just ate while studying. FATSSS. But it was happiness(:

So O/A levels. (:

Sunday; 8am service!! Went home to nap before meeting Penguin & PresAw(:

We came back to school earlier than I expected, later than they scheduled (heehee), dinnered, attempted studying and fantasized more business plans: UNITUT !?, Shared (un)funny jokes, shot each other weird stares everytime our phones rang....... OK UNPRODUCTIVE.

And we had supper. (:

----------------------------------

It's not in me to force His word unto my friends, but I hope all of you had your share of God's grace, God's love this weekend(:

Because I did(:

THERMO IN TWO DAYS! :(

I'm A Dried Strawberry.

I'm literally dying.

In every aspect. Academically, physically, emotionally, mentally.

I keep building up defences for self-protection but eventually I have to tear them down with my own bare hands. 

ARGH. Why can't things take a different turn?

HI BESTIE, if you see this. Thanks for your silent company(:

What Hurts The Most.

My friend(s) say I look like a strawberry (cos of my hair :( ),

and maybe now I really am one sad/red/miserable/spotted/sour strawberry. 

:(

Life is miserable.

The flu bug seems to like me alot, no amount of Cold relief/ Flu Max is helping.

This sucks.

My world is spinning, literally.

So fast it has spun out of control. Yet I'm digging my own grave. Fuck.

And last night, Dxxx just had to tell me my arms are big. :(

Arggh.

NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT PLAY JAM LEGEND! (Heeheehee)

Your Skin And Bones.

This weekend passed by,

quick and spontaneous, like any other.

The difference though, is the after taste it has left behind.

Bitter sweet, but also enlightening.

Tragic, but true; that it always takes things like these for you to know the truth.

Friday night was spent prawning til 4. We had a few bites, but we caught nothing. We have so much more to learn about this new thing we're trying to pick up, just like how much more we have yet to know about each other despite the hours we've had together.

We also witnessed a fight, that broke up within the same group of friends, which involved hair tugging, chair throwing, beer-bottle smashing, lots of vulgarities and eventually the police.

(But to start with, I had an early Black Friday: my friends left for school without me, I had a bad test with unfriendly company, I mixed up match venues, I almost sprained my ankle walking across a grass patch, I got attacked by ants... Argh)

We probably fell asleep only after the sun rose, and slept til the clouds hid the risen sun. It started pouring and I murmured, "Thank God I didn't have a game today." Not because we could spend the afternoon together, but because I didn't want to go home with my underpants soaked.

Then suddenly, three words you said to me shot through like an arrow in a bull's eye, "I dunnoe leh" and I finally knew what "More than words" meant.

Most of the time, the final word in the final sentence is "Bye", but I decided to play it different. And I said it, the most effortlessly summarised phrase: "Fuck you."

Being kickass friends, my FridayNightGang (self proclaimed) had already picked me up and took me down to BarBarBlackSheep; Smokin'frogz rather, for (really oily and fattening) dinner. Being the gentlemen they are, they even paid for dinner (which I barely ate). Wanted to drink, but chose to head East to the Beach to pick up the other 1/4 missing from the party of Four. (where the driver was being a complete Gangster on the road)

Joe's (slightly) dysfunctional Macbook and terrible wireless connection took us on a detour to Tampines where we crashed and become a party of Seven (of which two were virtual). Skyped with the one in Aussie, and another in England; Liang I miss you alot =(

Was sent home safely and slept in til mysecretDate woke me up an hour late. If you didn't know this about me, I secretly hate waking up when I'm upset. But this time the numbing effect lasted longer than I thought it would. Spent the day studying/digressing/reading NewMoon with mysecretDate and Penguin dearest. This was where I randomly flipped the book open and read the below quoted paragraph. Today was not meant to be productive (academically wise), but merely an excuse to distract and take my/your/our mind off things. This spells Discipline. I probably also had an ultimate sugar overdose for the second consecutive day (imagine: 2 tubes of Mentos and 1 packet of Skittles all in less than 3 hours. Yesterday, it was MagnumWhite + BubbleT).

The numbness, faded a little while over dinner. But it came back after the nostalgic ride back to school. No, it's bad, but it's good for you.

And tonight, my best friend is coming over (hall) to crash.

This is a support system that will never fail you.

It's Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies.

Recess Week;Met my Mrsdarcy alot to slackshopeattalk and just be around each other.

Had an extremely wet Saturday where we played in the rain and took breaks when the rain stopped. Headed down to Th.omson to look for D dearest (If you see this, are you ok!!!!???)

and had an unintended stayover at H.ave8. =\

Church on Sunday where I had my motherfingkillercramps so I spent the entire Sunday in bed and missed the gathering at Syl's place =(

CP meeting on Monday, almost everything is done now except a few minor changes and little things to confirm with extenal companies. Really really looking forward to camp, though it is going to be super tiring on us. =) Dear Mrsdarcy was 45mins too late, and the next thing we knew, we were running across overhead bridges, running after buses so as to not be late for S' game. (which they lost and it was pretty wasted)

Woke up earlyearly on Tues for Manufacturing meeting. And everybody was L-A-T-E! >=(

But here's what happened:

(The previous night)

P: "G can you wake me up at 8 tomorrow please! It's so late already and I'm scared I'd oversleep."

(The next morning)

P: "Good morning! I'm awake!"

G: "Wah seems you woke earlier than me."

.

.

.

.

G: "I just showered. I think I will leave my house at about 830 :)" --> I remember the smiley.

P: "Aren't you gonna be SOOOOOOO late? My dad's sending me there"

G: "Wah shit."

It was really quite funny. =)

Had Kui.shimbo buffet for lunch with S and caught He's just not that into you as recommended by Yanns but we didn't like it! :(

Rushed off for training cos it ended later than expected. Good thing the Bff was around the area too (: And training was, wet wet wet once again. Hate the sun, but also hate the rain around evening times.

McD. for supper cos I skipped dinner. Hrmmmm.

It was a really ordinary day for a special one, it felt just like any other normal day which shouldn't have been the case. =( Was a tad bit disappointed, and sad. But... oh well. It just says alot.

Wednesday; Bao meetup was cancelled due to last min pangsehs and mia cases. Vivoed for lunch and got Boost juice(: Yay, yay. Headed back to school only to find out training is cancelled =( so we KFCed for lunch and caught Slumdog.

Studied more with Penguin dearest on Thursday and left for home at night.

(Supposed to) study more with Mrsdarcy on Friday but we got distracted in Town and started retail therapying. =) And and and, I had my Starbucks fix(:

Met the boysss (Ahgong and fellow #8!) who bullied us over dinner; They brought us for Jap food at some kickass restaurant whose menu is entirely in Japanese and they refused to help us. Headed to B.arstop (nice place(: ) after that though! For drinks and to catch up. And we revisited The Blue Hole, which btw, looks different?

Saturday was disappointing. The sun was scorching hot, and I felt more lethargic than I normally did. Probably cos I didn't sleep well =( And we lost the only game I wanted to win so badly. Oh wellllll. Had 100+ at the coffeeshop with Syl and felt a little like Uncles who have beers and peanuts. Missed lunch cos I just didn't have the appetite.

Was asked over for a birthday celebration which was pretty cute(: 

Slept with a fulltummy and woke up feeling really sick on Sunday :( Cabbed to Tan.jong together with the rest of the team and allowed ourselves to get burnt. Felt this year's S&S wasn't as fun as last year's tooo. =( It poured as expected (just as we were leaving so we still got soaked anyway) and had awesome tomyam noodles for dinner and slept from 7 til 1030pm. OMG :|

So now, back to school.

Hate it as usual, but at least it keeps you going.

TWENTY EIGHT MORE HOURS.

This morning I woke up to the Bestie freaking out on MSN,

awake at 6AM.

Hang in there Seef!! It will all be over, it's just one more week! Sends my hug from Boonlay ok!

-----------------------

One more day one more day!!!!!!!!

Last night seemed deliberately planned.

I had phone call after phone call that lasted for hours.

I didn't study much, but it's ok. That gives me a reason to be more productive today (if I can find my discipline and focus cos I'm really REALLY restless)

And a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors over the phone concluded my absence from tonight's N.tl finals.

Otherwise I'd be cursed with a bigger butt cheek than the other (!!!!! HORROR)

But anyway, I think they'd win.. ((:

Your Eyes.

They say our eyes are the window to our soul.......

.

.

.

.

.

.

I haven't studied since the previous post, I'm basically screwing myself up. =(

No NTL finals at this rate.

Naughty Phil.