The End Of Nothing,

Yesterday was one of the days you get slapped back to reality,
woken up to harsh truth,
and kicked to a corner of inevitabilities.

Fourth time in less than a week,
and thus the impact four times as hard.

It was one of those nights you fall asleep while being caught in between rubble of a collapsed building,
half hoping you wake up to rescue,
half hoping you'd depart while sleeping.

Most of the times, especially at this age, we try to convince ourselves on our much ripened maturity,
when we are not that independent after all.
After much contemplation, I picked up my phone,
hesitant and reluctant,
indecisive and stubborn,
and after a few turns round the clock,
I traded helplessness for comfort and company.
And in addition, we gained understanding, and closeness.
Though it made me bloody tired and stony today,
it was a price worth to pay.
So thank you, really. (:


My arms feel sore from all the shuffling, dealing, and book binding.
I've been an office girl in the morning, and a profitable banker at night.
In-betweens are crazy.

-

On a lighter note, this is my favourite photo for the day:(person who took the photo not in the picture)


Happy 19th to You, the far-away-in-Canada Tai-tai.

It Starts Eyes Closed, To Fingers Crossed.

absolut bling bling

Unlike many, I've nothing much to talk about for CNY.
It is generally boring, considering only the paternal side (aka the boring side) is in Singapore.

CNY is rather typical I guess- all the angbao collection (not that I really care, serious), yummy goodies (this I care alot) that are contributing to my gain in weight big time, the visiting and forced greetings in whatever dialect, adult-talk vs children playing; whichever category you choose to classify yourself under, the gambling (I keep losing $$, wtf), the River Hongbao walking, the food the food, the fuss over certain taboos.

One thing worth taking note: While walking along Esplanade, fireworks exploded in the sky, right infront of us. It was beeeeeyoooootyful.

World War VIII took place on Wednesday, and is still going on today. I have a petty immature bitch for a sister and I wish I could slap the child out of her so she'd act 23 and not 13.

Practical test slot has been confirmed. Didn't manage to get the same slot as Amelia, so I got the earlier one. Which also means she has 15mins to either rejoice/comfort me in between the end of my test and the beginning of hers. I'm excited yet scared.

Caught abit of Chingay last night while we were walking along Orchard. Well, we met up with the intention to watch, but it was already crowded at 6 when the parade started at 830. So we opt to shop instead.
Happy fgmd day, little one.

(I'm sorry, I've nothing intelligent to blog abou)

If Love is a Labour, will you slave to the end?

1. Losing My Religion
2. Fergalicious
3. You Owe Me An IOU
4. Bali Song
5. When We Were Young
6. All Good Things (Come To An End)
7. Trouble Sleeping
8. Wind It Up
9. My Love
10. You Give Me Something

On impulse, I made Mommy get down the car and I took the car for a spin round the carpark. Yay fun!
Another 2-3 lessons and I'll be able to book for a practical test slot! (Fyi, this means I haven't had my practical test date but will be getting one soon, not I'll be able to take my practical test.)

(EDIT);
After Just Follow Law (which is a rather typical Jack Neo film on Gov, Filial piety and Money issues, lotsa humour and tear jerking endings) with Parents,
my Dad let me drive a short distance home! WHOOHOOOOO.

Stay with Me.

Ever since Day1 of Cny, it hit me that I've been increasingly stubborn.
Especially ever since one of life's suspension cords snapped. Lately, there's been too much in life to attend to, so many issues that deserve my attention, yet I choose to slacken in this highly uncomfortable yet temporarily relieving seat.
And I refuse to move.
No, not that it is luxurious, but I've been on my feet way too long that I'd settle for anything second best already. (And the worse thing is I'm limited to only what's Best and Second best.)

I might just eventually find pleasure in this seat, and not move until someone comes along and does something.

-

There are days where you are your normal self,
giggly, happy, crazy, whacky, insane.

Then again, there are days you are totally not yourself,
quiet, hostile, temperamental, (extremely) bitchy, grumpy, unhappy.


And THEN, there's those days where you feel like you totally want to be alone.
Yet being alone, is where you are in the comfort of those you don't ever want to live without.

Today, or maybe tonight,
is one of the many nights where I'm living in #3.


No, who says I'm emo?
I'm not.
It's just a sudden realisation. Haha.

Auspicious Occasions.

According to the local CNY celebration TeeeeVeeee programme,
this year, I mustn't be unreasonable,
my good Samaritan will be born in the Year of a Monkey, (that's like 4 years younger of 8 years older you know!!)
lucky number is 9,
and my lucky colour is white.

BUT, according to the annual CNY exhibition (River Hongbao),
this year, my tree of prosperity is standing strong and growing tall,
Health is only fair,
lucky numbers are 4 and 6,
lucky colours are Red, Brown and Yellow.
And one of my lucky lunar months is the 2nd! Aka, March! Aka when we're receiving results!
I hope we'd be super lucky! Haha.

And I gotta be more socially active cos I'm gonna find myself a PERFECT partner. (:
Haha, talk about social parties, I'm already giving two a miss.
How to meet my perfect partner like that! (Haha)

-

However, according to both, and maybe all, it's gonna be a good year for us, dragons! Finally!

Oh, and out of sheer boredom, my Sis and I decided to go by 4d!! Piecing the lucky numbers (according to the TeeVee show) of the family members (but we missed our Dad's) which equates to 9977 (ROOLLLL!)
but the number that came out was 7679! WHY!! Haha. Damnit.

You write sins, while we write tragedies.

Happy (piggified) Chinese New Year to all!

(please excuse the rounder face no thanks to cny goodies)

-

CNY aside, I think I'm either ageing, or I have rheumatism.

Swimming upstream.

Okay, I was too lazy to upload photos for the previous post,
and I'm too lazy to edit that entry so here goes:
[and omg, my face is so round ))): ]

Rather waste my time, with You.

It's been ages since I've had a proper meal.
And thus, I use it as an excuse to binge of the most unhealthy/fattening foodstuff, like chocolates, brownies, and pineapple tarts (#1 addiction/temptation, for now)
Especially with the overrated Valentine's day (cos everyday should be Vday!) that gives everyone an excuse to indulge in some (bloody) good food and indications of affection.

Red, is seen everywhere now.
From my toes to fingers to the lights on the trees, to flowers to the lovenotes written for one another, to the banners to the red cloth draped around walls/pillars, to the container covers (containing pineapple tarts!) to more decorations.
At the same time, it is running through us.
A representation of love,
and also that of anger.

Over the past 4/5 days, I've experienced nothing short of L-O-V-E (both from, and for me).

A special soulmate whom I made an exception for,
a 2 hour wait for my sis to be done with her rebonding,
and special short (but lovely) visit from D and weird friend between the 2 hours
on Saturday,

God's love, from my first Chinese Service (yes, I can understand),
A & Zzz and later Cheryl and Kristal,
Chinatown loving and the warmth of a protecting, guiding hand,
who last min shopped for sports wear with me,
and the 2 favourite juniors + beloved daughter
on Sunday.


Surprisingly, I can still sing the school song.
But like I've already told a few, it's so disheartening to return to your Alma Mater, only to realise many things have changed.
The Mission, Vision, and even School values have changed. From GRACIOUS to GRACE. (I like gracious better).
I still can't believe they demolished the museum? That's classic!
It kills the sense of belonging. By a little at least.

I liked where I was sitting on Monday, albeit the awkwardness. (I was scared and I was sitting behind the P)
I love how Monday mornings are in the hall and we sing to the band instead of tape recorders,
and I love daily scripture readings/singspiration though I barely absorb 80%.


Honestly, the stay was just a short, (but unexpectedly) sweeet 4days,
where I only met each class to a max of twice.
But there is this undeniable attachment, especially to my fellow yellow taggers.
I've had the weirdest questions posted to me, the weirdest stares, and the most awkward 'Hello's.
With little random Sec2s running up to ask me for my name, to them screaming from the Foyer, "BYE MS. LIM!" and more juniors addressing me by name than what they ought to. Not that I'd mind anyway, cos it really, was weird.
4 days, but I've learnt alot. Especially that fateful day I got screwed because THEY messed up the lab but I wasn't aware (aka, my inexperience to blame) and the discouragement when marking their scripts, (some could even tell me the effect of carbondioxide on limewater is nothing when I already showed the white ppt and particularly emphasized it or a blank sheet with lotsa heart doodles)
I am no pushover, but I do have a soft spot for them. I guess it's their innocence and willingness to learn (yes, they are but they aren't given a chance) that seems all too familiar to me.

I've been warned about how they are the last express class (so what, really) and are particularly noisy and I should be more strict. But I've never believed in the hard approach. Never. Ever since my DB days.
Indeed noisy, but respect has to be earned. I gave them a voice, and they let me speak. Maybe it's the smaller generation gap, but they weren't as tough to handle. (except the lab experience, omg trauma)
It was amazing, how I was related to nearly half the class- the trackers I trained since Pri School, sisters of friends.
And it was comforting to know at such a young age, they've already set O level goals for themselves (ie which JC they wish to go) when all I remember obsessing myself with at their age was everything but my academic future.


I remember the conversation we had in SA last yr,
that it'd be our last Vday in school,
our last chance to experience the love, the fuss, and the fun.
But HEY, I spent mine in school this year again.
Though I'm put in a different position, I felt it all the same.
That's one special thing of an all girls' school- every occasion is celebrated; big or small.
I remember how the 4 years worth of Valentine's was spent in there carrying huge ass bags to school, and bringing them down to assembly and running up and down in between lessons.


I was a little disappointed on Wednesday, it started out with a pleasant and beautiful surprise, in between was full of hiccups and more wasted good intentions, but ended on a rather heartwarming note. (:

My last day in School ended at 540- with a lot of unwilling whining and bitter goodbyes, an extra lesson with two girls, marking more scripts, a short (ROMANTIC, haha!) walk around the compound with that kid (who was looking for me since 2) and her box of Florida's Natural for me, a mini photo taking session, a milo can for that kid and a big (long goodbye) hug.

And today, I rewarded myself with a darn goood looong run,
the late afternoon weather was perfect.
Together with Mr. Safti, the boundless view from the balcony, the sweat soaked seat, Damien Rice on replay, Indices, and a dearest close-to-heart kid, my day was more perfect than I'd have imagined it to be.
(Though dinner sucked.)


Caught Last King Of Scotland on Monday. Mmm, I fell asleep a couple of times (was really quite tired), I'd say Babel was better. I've yet to catch Little Children!
And I watched John Tucker Must Die today. Hurhur.

Finally finished Empress Orchid too. The ending is so WTF! I have to interprete it myself!

You Lifted Me High With Your Words, But Left Me Hanging With Your Acts.

Today's one of those days where you simply feel paradoxical-
a little bittersweet goodbyes,
a little disappointment,
a little heave of relief,
a little shock from oblivion,
a little touched by unawareness,
a little irritated from compliance,
a little lifted by love.

It's been weeks since I had dinner at home, and home is the best solitary shelter. (:

-


Is it worth it can you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day

Triangel.

It could suck out every remaining drop left of me,
and you could squeeze dry every bit left in me.

-


HAPPY VALENTINE'S (:

And Thank You to every single one of you (from Friends to Students to Juniors) who made it lovely. (:

MY ALMA MATER.

Hello, I'm back. (Only temporarily)
With a pinch of excitment, a drop of fear,
and a whole lot of nostalgia.

The Places You Have Come To Fear.

Favourite Moments of Thursday:

• Soaking in every last bit of whatever was left at Beach Road- the Food, the People, the Scenary, and simply, the Wind in my hair.
• Crazy bus ride home with F where we couldn't stop laughing
• Classic LK moments with Cherry fighting, Hulk's favourite, tongue tied cherry knots, more Cherry fighting, attempts to set LK on fire by burning a tissue paper and losing control of the fire.

Favourite Moments of Friday:

• Sitting at the back, feeling like a proud parent
• Surprise-turn-coincidence by the playground with D, Elf and FGD under the multi millioned starlight starbright skies.

Oh, I can feel it already.

Finish Line.

no, i didn't mean for this, neither did i expect it.
please,
it's all moving too fast a pace.
it all seems locked up in a teacup spinning on a children's playride.
thrilling, maybe but come the side effects; fatigue, dizziness, nausea.
stop! i might just wanna get off this ride.

-


today, i felt like a mother of anxious 16/17 year olds,
and i made a close friend disappointed/angry.
i'm sorry, i'm sorry A.
and i let another down when i couldn't go down to help.

Finger Twist and Split.

Everything work-related I'm gonna post today would be a total contradiction to whatever I posted yesterday. You get the idea, so let's give the details a miss.
I'm sorry I'm sucha letdown, but Sup (soup, haha!) says "it's good you show your intention now."

I employed retail therapy today, and busted both mine, my Mom's and my Dad's wallets (for now, and the next month). And yes, I do feel quite bad.
I ought to start limiting my spendings while I try harder in convincing myself that I AM DONE. (though I don't believe shopping can be capped) and I swear it's hard to control.
I'm sorry Mommy, and Daddy, but thank you, both for funding my spendings today.

F and I had the new Double BaconChicken sandwich from Subway for dinner,
then later at OrangeTee we were offered food from their staff buffet (which was really yummy) and we ate despite being already filled.
Slacked my two hours today, calling Lesbo-

E: "Are you gorgeous?"
Lesbo: "HUH!"
E: "Are you from TAF?"
Lesbo: "No."
E: "Okay, then you are gorgeous!"


and playing a prank on D-

Nurse Chen: "Hello, may I speak to Ms. Ng please? ...(Blahblah).. You are pregnant! Congratulations!"

**

Today, I proved myself (once again) to be the most indecisive person.
E says I just wanted people to tell me, "Yes" and that was all that I wanted to hear.
I am indecisive because I am scared.
Scared of the future (aka what I am unsure of and cannot control), scared of my inabilities to cope, scared of my failure to adapt to changes, scared of regrets.
Indecision arises from uncertainties, but it's true why I should let someone decide my future just 'cos I can't decide on my own.

Yep, Quitting is a privilege! HAHA!



And the Joke of the day: "I bought an apple for 67$ today!"

Overnight Superstar

Gerald says, I am now a ming(2) xing(1) and I will charm all the old aunties and uncles to come find us! Hurhur. Even Chief Sup called to tell me about it. Damn funny.

So this is what I see everyday:

And my closest friend at work, who is sadly leaving on Friday. SIGH.


Today, is by far, the fun-nest, fastest, fullest day. And it's so ironic how weekend crowds are way less than weekdays!

We were greeted by the morning rush- so naturally, being occupied with things kill time.
We left for TAOHUAY break at 3plus, where my peanut tang yuans froze and were hurried back cos there was a sudden crowd.
We ate cookies and played bridge, but got screwed for that.
I ate more cookies.
I read,
we talked cock and laughed.
It was already 6plus.
I ate my Pineapple tart! (absolutely love it!)
The guys left for dinner and came back with dessert for Nikki and I.
We ate, and it was already 8.
So basically I kept myself occupied with eating today.
HMMM.

On the way back, a misunderstood anti social (but is actually, just shy) colleague offered me headphones for "very nice songs" twice. Haha. Damn cute la!

Sorry, blog is boring cos everything is about work. BOO.
My brain isn't functioning right cos I am so wooozy but high on the I-don't-need-to-work-tomorrow feeling. Goodnight, from me in my Mr. Safti! Heh(:

Anyway, abit late ah, but. WAY TO GO LIONS!
Read something super cheesy from the Tiger Ad: Behind every lion is a tiger. (hurhur)

Happy birthday, Ms (Jillian) Lee!

Ps: Did I mentioned how I finished half a container of pineapple tarts my mom made just the previous day in a few minutes? Whooops!

Mom: "No one helps in the baking, but all of you help in the eating."

Talk to Me, Dance with Me.

So, is this what the Army does to you?

It's a freaking Cheena arcade WAR game. Aren't all the strategic plannings in Army enough?

-

After a walk from work to Bugis, and Bugis to Marina, caught Babel last night.
It was somewhat similar to Be With Me, those kinda less conversations more expressions/emotions/actions kinda film.
It was a little long (A colleague and I concluded we no longer have stamina to watch movies), but I enjoyed it anyhow.

It was beautiful how everything eventually linked to one another, though it was happening in 4 different places. And initially, I thought the Jap scenes were so random and out of place.

The emotions you'll feel throughout the movie progress from disgust to detest to sympathy to joy.
All the different types of Love are depicted- from Love between spouse, Parent-Child Love, Nanny-child Love, Love for Friends, Brotherly Love, Physically attracted sorta Love (I don't even think that's Love right), etc.


I can't really put it into words, so I'd just say, if you're the sort that like these kinda thinking, minimal conversation shows, go catch it.

-

And today, I allowed myself to go on a Heritage Tour just before work, where we window shopped for Fabric, visited cool cafes, entered cool shops, walked by Spore's narrowest lanes, paid a visit to Museums and visited coool custome shops (where we attempted fitting into Gingerbread Man costumes but evidently not).

Boring, Hungry nights topped up with disgusting Guava juice and a rather irritating neighbour to end the night. Plus, a dying phone.

Note to self: A good book is not enough. Good music makes the world alot better.


HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY BERNIE!

Ps:I can't wait for more pineapple tarts cos I've already finished those P gave. (OOPS)

And I spent my morning making some cornflake thingy with Mommy!(:

Little Star, You Are.

Before I am too late,

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY NU ER DEAREST(:

Just remember that I'm always here for you, and I love you.
No matter what, I'm still damn proud of you. BIG HUG.

I Could Get Used To This.

(edited)

Life is bigger
It’s bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I’ve said too much
I set it up

-


So there's Gerald who's like a brother, HuiFang who's more cynical than me (and I thought I was bad), Simin who's very amused at the number of people I know from her JC, Chia Mien whom I'm trying (very hard) to convince to trade HQ places with me for reasonable work schedules at KG (but she's economically driven), Wen De who very gentlemanly swapped weekend schedules with me, Hayati who's super soft spoken but played tic tac toe with me, Nikki who's from that XXX school I really detest but she's probably the one person I talk the most to, and Me who can't quit whining about everything but am trying to convince myself things should get better.

Oh, and there's FengYi whom I barely exchanged words with, and Edmund who's the youngest boy.
And then, altogether there are 4 of them NY college kids.

I am crossing my fingers for the spot in HQ cos the working hours are 8-5/6 instead,
and I am so jealous of Amelia Tan Hing Yee.


Thank You A.G.O, you make me look forward to work tomorrow.
Thank You BroB, you make me look forward to ending work tomorrow. (:

Note to self: Bring a good book along.

I hope F gets the B&J job. (:

Happy Birthday, Shaoz!