SERIOUSLY LACK SELF DISCIPLINE

Pong's Belated Birthday Dinner @ Shokudo (YUMS!)
Trainings and Examination Dates. =\

SIXTEEN DAYS TO FIRST PAPER AND I STILL LACK URGENCY.

DIE.

I'll pose you the same question, where is my motivation?

13

I never knew I had a dream
Until that dream was you
When I look into your eyes
The sky's a different blue
Cross my heart
I wear no disguise
If I tried, you'd make believe
That you believed my lies

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

Find your solace, lose your frustration , Hang in there .
xiii

Where Is My Motivation?

Phil is

very,

very very,

very very very,

frustrated.

01:32

Turn away to say goodbye

With each and every one that passes by

Like a distant memory.

And the words that seem so hard to say,
Come out when you've gone away.

ELI

HAPPY TWENTY-TH BIRTHDAY BITCH.

I LOVE YOU THE MOSTEST. I HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR AGARAGAR FOR A CAKE PLUS SATAY STICKS + HAND DRAWN FLAME AS CANDLES.

ps: look what youre doing to elmo.. you're using him as your safety belt too ok. you don't laugh at me anymore, I tell you.

I Didn't Have Dinner.

I remember how Khairul used to observe the way I walk, and commented on how people who are prone to counting their steps/ fitting their feet within the bricks and tiles on the floor have a greater tendency to suffer from depression.

And I'm one of those "people".

***

The walk back from SRC after training today never felt this long before.
I comfortably allowed myself to sink into my own bubble, bouncing from thought to thought, fitting my feet within the bricks, oblivious to the conversations and people walking pass me.
Then I grew nostalgic; it must have been a long time since I walked back alone after training.
It's good to have some phil time indeed, but I cannot deny having company is always better.


If you still do see this, I miss you (r) long aimless walks.
And yes, I still owe you a campus run. =')

I Don't Know How We're Gonna Make It Through This.

I hate how trainings make such FANFUCKTASTIC excuses for me to sleep early, abandon my work, skip lessons (EG TODAY), choose to slack and not study.
UGH. I'm so helpless =(



I have evidently ran out of things to say.

.

I am such a mess,


yet I can't be bothered sometimes.



PS: My phone is screwed again. FOR GOOD.
After the 2 level suicide from the swivel LT table.
Ugh ok. Semi uncontactable.
My phone is throwing a tantrum.

scatterbrainer.

omg calamity.











I forgot my specs.
three One Blind Mouse, One blind mouse.
See how she runs.
OMG =\

4 minutes past midnight, I called.

don't remind me how fast time flies, i don't even remember how i spent the last 30, 31 days.

ps: I love rainy days when I'm in slippers and can afford to get dirty cos I get to jump into puddles of water like I'm 3 all over again.

Damn Happy Now Cos..

NO MORE TRIPLE ROOM

aka

NO MORE BLACK TEE DAY

aka

NO MEETING TOMORROW NIGHT!!

YAY

AND MANU LIVERPOOL CURRENTLY 1-0

YEAHH BABY.

Insomnia

The dogs, they bark tonight.
Out of control.
I toss and turn tonight.
More than I know.
With every flip, I bring myself further from you.
The distance insignificance,
but its significance overwhelming.
Every fidget I make, your breathing gets deeper.
Every moan I make, your snoring gets louder.
The selfish side threw a tantrum,
the considerate side kept me still.
My conscious knows you needed the hours,
more than I needed you.
I wanted to wake you up
I wanted you to sleep
I couldn't fall asleep.

Even Heroes Have The Right To Bleed

(Photo credited to the Roomie; props also credited to her. Cubes say, "Phi" aka the first three alphabets in my name since we only have 3 cubes. And the flower, a random doodle from her)


---


Realised that it's been a weekly affair here, I sloth in the same place every weekend. Eat (too much), then study, and sleep, wake up late (or early, then get angsty due to lack of sleep).

I'm really thankful for this, supposed loong weekend, cos I get to catch up on
1) school work
2) rest!!
3) spiritual wellbeing, especially with it being Good Friday/Easter Sunday and all. (:


Basically, it's been one of those I'm-too-busy-to-blog-but-actually-I-have-alot-of-things-to-talk-about periods, and I wish I gave myself more time to piece my words every time I log in.

I need to get done over the weekend,
a) 2 reflection papers,
b) a 3-min speech (+++lotsa personal reflections),
c) physics tutorial 7? or is it 8?,
d) 101 computing lectures (hah!)


And amidst all these craze, sometimes it's good to be in denial for a mini short while.
Yesterday, FFF and I found ourselves getting lost in the CBD. We were mixing up our lefts and rights, walking forwards to go backwards cos we were heading in the wrong direction. We walked down memory lane (SO CHEESY but really true!!), and bumped into familliar people.

My shoulders are aching like crap from my disgustingly heavy bag today,
and I fear tomorrow's training after (almost) a week off from touch.....



P.S: It still kinda feels surreal.

XOXO, T.O.R.

I LOVE ELI.LIU!

Your Brain Is About 85% Water.

I'll let you in on a secret: I'm stressed.


Funny thing is, exams are less than a month away.
But it's not exactly the reason for the tension in the brain.
Nonetheless, I really need to draw strength from God to go through this.

Gone Fuck Already.

OMGSS WE ARE C+ LOSERS. =((

Look Out Your Window

Sugar rush(ed). (:

Outstanding + Awesome = Outstandingly Awesome

Really damn fucking tired from this multi tasking between studies, touch, life,

but I need to train up a robust mind and body for intensive days/games,

and Angie says, we should really think positive so we can survive!

Sooo, random IVP photos for motivation and I will just say this once and forbid myself to say ever again tomorrow: "I'm damn tired and I don't feel like going for training! But no choice. =("

With that,

tomorrow's training shall be like today's. A good one.

"This is the best team to make mistakes with"

Today, I experienced the extremities of many.
It was probably the hottest day in weeks, where sunblock no longer matters, you get burnt anyway. I am tanned beyond black and the colour contrast of my skin is similar to that of my cookies and cream / black forest ice cream from IslandCreamery after the game.

I found myself not only struggling with the weather but with myself,
my mind and my body; they do not co ordinate well enough.
But we all fall down sometime. It's whether you stand up, or you sit down and whine about your fall.
THIS is where I pick myself up, because like She said, She believes that I am strong enough to handle it, and "there is no time for tears."

Thank you all for the messages/ encouragement/ ice cream therapy (!!)
And now, I shall eagerly wait for dinner (chompchomp!) therapy with the same people over ice cream. I'm so hungry Ah gong, I'm gonna eat your cow if you do get any.


I'm so tired,
but I don't know from what exactly.

Sunshine Time Again.

People always ask how you've been,
though I really don't understand why me.

Though tragic and slightly sadistic, I've pretty much given up catching.
No. Not catching, but TRYING to even catch up with the life you've oh-so-conveniently striked me out from.

I try hard convincing myself, and those around that we could "pick up from where we left off", but I'd tell you it's so hard it's becoming a lie if I said we could.

Everyone is busy, but that's not valid enough an excuse for forgetting.
"It takes two hands to clap", evidently clapping isn't our form of expressing our enjoyment.


This is really random.
These are words I should have keyed a long time ago but I never really wanted to admit this loss.
This is happening because I'm reading my friends page and realising I scroll down the page with less and less intervals to read.
This, maybe, should be ignored.
This is probably nonsense due to pre game jitters.

Nitey...sweet dreams you...

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth.
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.

I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

:):)

With The Lights Out, It's Less Dangerous.

I cannot find the entry I once quoted Seef regarding the weather and how it affects our mood.
Something about the positive and negative ions in our body.
But whatever it is, I think consecutive days of thunderstorm really do bring people down.


A supposedly touch intensive week reduced to only one training thanks to the weather.
Felt kinda paradoxical about training being cancelled, cos we've yet to train together as a team for Sunday's match, and we were just informed of our playing positions. Sheesh.
If any consolation, I guess I don't have to worry about white mud-stained shirts, and my laundry being perpetually wet for the rest of the week? Heh.

Another touch intensive week to come, preoccupying myself with club, school matches, trainings.
God, take me to it to take me through it, please.

Seef popped by this evening, together with happy happy happy food from Goodwoodpark Hotel. (AHGONG ARE YOU JEALOUS!) Thank you, Bestie bestest friend for an awesome night. Love you to the Mooooon and back.

A photo from the leap year(:

Birdnuts, I'm sorry, and cheer up all rights.

Top(ped) Up My Happy Juice(:

Similarly, click to enlarge. NO MESSY BACKGROUND, YAY. Griz, you're the sexiest baby. ;) Haha.



One of the sweetest conversations ever:
G: anw, the impt thing is.. it's good to see u smile most of the time
P: awwww
G: smile more often.. be more cheerful
haha
P: thank you sweets.
will dooo
G: ya right! soon u will go back to ur normal rountine!
haha
P: ahahahaha
i hope not
G: ME TOO
i will pray that u wun go back to ur normal rountine
haha

Click for Bigger View, Ignore messy background.

Falling into place out of position.

Slow down
This is such a blur
Tell me what's the hurry now
Have we been running round in circles
Missing all that we could be
You say it's not too late

We are words
On pages that we've left unturned
An ending no one's ever heard
We are a story slowly unfolding
Beautiful words


- The Afters

15APRIL! =(

2 Signs that show you SERIOUSLY need to start studying:

1. You finish all your Lab Sessions (ie, 3hrs more of free time!)
2. The function room which is hardly open for use is now converted into a study room open til 2am everyday/night.
   

1 Sign that forbids you to start this serious studying:

1. Your table lamp cocks out for many weeks. HAH!

Mindfucked.

After a day of suckshitlessons, crazy travelling from Pulau Ulu to Yck (and even back),
it's AWESOME to return to a table with food kept for you by the roomie(((:
Even better when your dearest sports sec tells you he kept more for you.
Heh heh heh.

Club trainings have been bad, Phil oh phil: STEP UP!



And today, the chem lecturer went "carbo-kay-shen" instead of "carbo-cat-ion" and "mee-shew" instead of "me-thyl". OMFG, I cannot live with lecturers like this.


One more thing, 11th March:
Happy Birthday Fatty J and Ah gong! XOXO lots!

7th year of 13.

nabeh.
last week my table lamp blew.
now it's literally falling apart into pieces.

Take Me Even Higher;

How do you,
take away helplessness?
overcome fear?
untangle confusion?
readjust uncomfortable-ness?



Truly madly deeply need to start studying but the engine is stalled.
Hah. What a cheesy analogy.

Dinner today was 4 slices of pizza during our last HO meeting. Siaoo ah Phil, eat so much.

You're Crazy.

I t-o-t-a-l-l-y did not touch anything academic related over the weekend.
And this, is most probably how subsequent weekends are going to be.
Three-quarters the Saturday consumed by Touch, half my Sunday dedicated to God, leaving the last quarter of the Saturday was some random lucky friend(s) I decide to meet, and the other half Sunday to family/back to school.


I figured there is a pressing need for me to start orientating myself right, organising my time better, and gearing up for the exams.
I've almost a month to go and this HAS to be where I start.

Suicidal or not, you tell me. Because I didn't S/U imprisonment.

Too Burnt To Think

berrrnaarrd. the star's ran away with the night. says:
u can ask me
berrrnaarrd. the star's ran away with the night. says:
im bernard
berrrnaarrd. the star's ran away with the night. says:
my surname is how
berrrnaarrd. the star's ran away with the night. says:
bernard how
shallow love, shallow lives. says:
haha
shallow love, shallow lives. says:
BERNARD, HOW??



Really man, Birdnuts. Haha. (:
Feels great to be home on a SUNDAY NIGHT. (:

This really frustrates me.

To be very honest, I really rather spend 50 minutes listening to some good music than waste it on an online lecture totally not benefitting from anything, especially with that particular accent we can never understand....


So I just wasted 50minutes of my life.

I have 9 minutes to do this.

(taken by The Cool Squatter one random afternoon; part of the farm)

A week later after recess week, I decided to blog proper about it.
Basically, I spent my first four days travelling to and fro from school, sucking up the credit in my EZlink. (Can you imagine? Spending 30bucks solely on public transport in less than a week!)

Ecomm meeting on Monday at Carls Jr cos the boys wanted that. EEW. Brudder and I shopped a little ; HAPPY =D Came back to school for CAB meeting, watched (pirated) Juno that night.
It's nice, but a little over rated.

Spent the day in school with Geri on Tues, headed home for dinner, went back to school Wed afternoon for training, stayed the night with Prison Break.
We attempted studying after dinner, but I guess the Teevee somehow enticed me more than my notes, and there wasn't wireless around so the lappy was effectively useless.

Met DING (inserts lotsa hearts) for dinner in Town on Thursday, Baby V popped by as a surprise(: Too bad I was too worn from the week I couldn't spend as much time as I wish we could with D. =( I like how we end up walking aimlessly around town, hand in hand, with loving silences in between our conversations.
And after reading your offline msg yesterday, I wouldn't deny you've voiced out my worry all along. But we both know we love each other so much, too much. (: So don't worry D, once a month all right? (: I hope you don't start school soon... =((

(to be continued, off to meeting!)
(okay! Back after 2343 after shower too)

First March was basically spent, rushing. Rushing from Club match to Town to Vch, to Tanjong Pagar. Had Macbreakf in the morning(((: Craving satisfied! =D
And wee played Toki.Tima aka Kehui/Wenhui's team in the afternoon. Basically got screamed at so so so damn badly, got stung by a bee at the start of second half, effectively played only the very last (say, 3?) minutes of it. My hands really have a mind of its own, sometimes no matter how prepared I am, the ball just slips through it like sand through my fingers.
Frustrating? Very.


Rushed back to rush down for Leeh's concert at VCH where we were too tired we started falling asleep. It wasn't too bad a concert I guess(: Sat down at Timbre's for less than half an hour before Angie and I rushed down to Bianco for Post Ivp. We weren't exactly keen, so we didn't stay for long, but I guess we had fun while it lasted, especially watching people dance infront of mirrors.
Suppered with Timsum cos, DOUJIANG YOUTIAO IS MISSING.
This is a calamity, so if you do know where it has relocated to, please tell me =(


Surviving only on 3hours of sleep, I went for service, travelled down to Vivo to meet The Old Man, Arthur, Mrs Darcy and Shaun for lunch. JAPFOOOOD =D
Rushed back home (again, all this rushing seriously consumed more energy than training).
Barely spent more than 2, 3 hours with the bunch, I felt so bad =(
Plus, I was so angsty/bitchy. HAHAAH

And then it was reality check- back to school =(

Had a short run with my two fake roomies last night, and a pleasant surprise amidst the run.

Who on earth gets surprises during a run? Haha. But then again, it was totally unplanned. (:

Today, today, we watched an extremely mindfucking movie during imprisonment.
I swear I was totally mindfucked I felt so damn brain dead after 95mins. ZZZZ


Quoteunquote myself after dinner today: "As much as I've had a damn tiring week, I think it went good."

Thursday Morning.

Squash.TouchRugby.Canoepolo

This morning we woke up to loud and persistent knockings on the door,

got my table lamp and ceiling fan fixed,

and ceiling fan cleaned at the same time by the technician too. Heh.

Everything, Everything's Magic.

I remember how we used to say word is cheap,
but then I'd insist that words are free; easier said than done.

Yet it's so funny how I'm finding, or rather beginning to find strength and comfort from words now.

**
Another classic moment from W today:
W: "She wear til so sneezy"
P: "Huh? Say again? She wear til soo ...?"
W: "SNNNNeeeezyyy"
P: "HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA"

--


I don't know if I could live through my weeks like this from now on,
I don't know if I could survive Tuesdays this way.

A nice conversation with The Childhoodie definitely made my night though((:
I want to see the tattooooo!


PS: I've been eating too much too often for my own good. =( How? =((

IAMSOTIRED zzz

b. says:
faints
b. says:
ur timetable so tight
b. says:
like skinny jeans

seriously, haha. what an analogy.

right back at you. (:

Suicidal Tonight.

All along, I knew this day would come but I simply refused to do anything about it.
Good job, Phil.

My Fellow 888 says, "I keep playing it over and over again!"

You close your eyes and kiss your hand then you blow it.
But it isn't meant for me, and I notice
If the choice was ours alone,
Then why'd we both choose letting go?
Does it end like this?

Time never had a chance to heal your heart
Just a number always counting down to a new start
If you always knew the truth
Then the world would spin around you
Are you dizzy yet?

Respectfully, so honestly I'm calling out
Do you hear the conversation we talk about?
Back away to the safety of a quiet house
If there's half a chance in this moment
When your eyes meet mine, we show it off.

All talk and not a lot to think, we were living dreams
And shame never crept close to our naked feet
If there's something left to lose,
Then don't let me wear out my shoes
I'm still walking.

I tried, but it rang and rang, I called all night
On a payphone, remember those from another life?
If everything I meant to you,
You can lick and seal then fold in two
Then I've been so blind.

Oh, oh take it all back, take the first, the last and only.
Oh, oh take it all back, take it all back,
Everything you showed me.
Oh, oh this must be how it feels when the feeling goes

I told you as I hovered, I never felt this way
You said I have the shot that stops my clock
Baby it's OK
You said you'd never have regrets
Jesus, is there someone yet
Who got their wish; did you get yours, babe?


JIMMYEATWORLD (rocksssss!)

Ps: It's my #1 most played on Itunes, hah.