Halfway.

I don't deal very well with losses, I admit. Be it temporary, permanent, or forever.

These words, I heard on repeat: "A brother I never had", "sincere", "filial", "more than a friend", "cheerful", "friendly", "always a fighter", "never knew the true meaning of 'giving up' ". To you, these are just words. To those who spoke them, they are memories, lessons learnt, values they aspire to achieve.

There were just 3.5 of us, 0.5 being the Jien who wanted to be there but got caught up with unpredictable stuff at home. Sad to say, it is always the wrong reasons that bring people together: Graduation (after which we will go our separate ways), Farewells for friends leaving on exchange, Bereavement. They are barely reasons for celebration, yet get-togethers are more successful than a "Reunion". Have to admit, am utterly disappointed with the turnout from the Sixth. We are a 26-man huge comm, yet the attendance was just three. What?!

-----------------------------

And on second chances: How often are we given the privilege of that. For redemption, for convincing, for proving.

Over brunch with Yanns, we HAD to bring up the fragility and vulnerability of life.

Naturally, every mankind wants to be in control of something; be it in our lives, or simple things like Plans. I for one, plan ahead and hate uncertainties. I hate it when something not within my control crops up and calls for plan B. Here's my loophole: I always plan ahead but I never have a backup plan. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm being an alpha female; and these uncertainties leave me crippled without the empowerment of control.

But as the saying goes, we learn things best the hard way. And I'm slowly getting it.

I've effectively gotten upset with someone/myself once a day this entire week, and it's really tiring. But sometimes you don't really have anyone to blame but yourself.

*

"I'm not angry, I'm just saying,

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance."

Different

Tell myself on the ride home.
Getting tired, hating all I've known.
Holding on like it's all I have.
Count me out when it's clear that I
find it hard to say.
And you find it hard to care.

I wanted to see something that's different,
something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be anything different,
everything you would change in me.

Got this way, up front but never true.
God, I'm wrong, it's just the way I am.
Crashing down any chance you'll hear.
Caving in any chance that you,
could see inside of me.
And I, I'll know what to say,
It's fine, this isn't Hollywood.
So fine, getting in your way.

I wanted to see something that's different,
something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be anything different,
everything you would change in me.

I'm taking a chance,
this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.
Taking a chance,
this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.

I wanted to see something that's different,
something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be anything different,
everything you would change in me.

Something that's different

--------------

Yumcha at Sgoon Gardens Countryclub with Bao just now. It was almost like we've been doing it for years, and we possibly will. Well at least until Ames shifts to The Duxton or something yes? (: haha
It feels like grown ups taking a break from their worklife/family catching up over a pseudo Sunday brunch and tea. Talking abt good old times, prospective futures, and current affairs.

Today I also broke my blackbird in the morning in a furious attempt to rewind and eject the film roll to develop. And by doing so I've exposed almost the entire roll of film and had no idea what I was doing/trying to do. I got so mad I broke the film door while trying to force it open. Then I got so helpless I forced everyth shut, shoved it in a black bag and taped it up. Seef, I hope you revive it.

Heartaches and Headaches.

Hello World,

I've been busy lately. But not quite.

You know like how time flies and you don't even realise it,

yet you can't quite point a finger on what you've been spending the time doing.

Just last night I realised that it was already, 27th MAY.

So I missed one of my dearestest friend's birthday on the 24th. Completely slipped my mind and I have no excuse. And thank you Dearest Yanns for being ever understanding and forgiving. =)

And still having 100% faith in the friendship we have, despite this big disappointment from me.

I love you!

And then there's many little things I need to deal with: Love, Loss, Stress, Friends, Performance, Expectations, Needs, Duties, Responsibilities, etc.

Yeah, IA has ended but it seems like the other avenues are taxing on me.

And last night I was talking to The Dongdong and I really wanted to cry. I don't know if it was because of how I felt; that I'm slowly becoming selfish, or because of how I'm falling short of the expectations of many, or I'm just simply stretched.

Then the latter will lead into the former: that I'm just selfish, how I only see that people need a part of me but I don't offer that helping hand or listening ear. And with that I am falling short of expectations. It's a sick cycle.

And I am not like that.

But anyway, Thank YOU for listening and assuring me.

You make me feel like a better person altogether. Love you(:

+

Abit overdued but

I'VE SUBMITTED MY IA REPORTTT!

And abit premature but,

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Three months! :D Cheers!

Of Celebrations, Wisdom, Love, and Get-togethers.

Finally a picture post! (:

Yesterday was Jiel's 23rd Surprise Picnic (but she already kinda knew.....) at S.entosa(:
And Alisa's 22nd Surprise Dinner (she ALSO already kinda knew....) at H.atched!
Yay, many happy pictures. :D

Our very own Hammock :DJiel, your handstands FAIL.Jump shot!We're so brilliant, we bought a cake and forgot about forks and paper plates.Jiel's new f21 dress! Makeover! :D

*wolf whistles

*******

Aww, loves!

Alpha-Kenny-Body!

Ashybaby!

Ready, Set, Go! Grid girl style.

Birthday girl.Statue of Liberty, Hatched style.Team LooooveeeeeeInsane chaotic shots."Let's take another chaotic picture!"Love.

Sometimes we forget and lose ourselves,

and hurt the ones we love.

Everyday, I have this long list of To-Dos and To-Remembers.
They run so long that I never end up crossing out every single point.
Then I'll say, "Never mind that, let's leave it for tmr."
And the sick cycle continues.

Then I find myself rushing to wait and waiting to rush. It's like a delayed sense of urgency.
Not that I'm procrastinating (contrary to the first point) but, I don't know.
It's like I'm a mess. Not like emotional wreck but like I'm in pieces. I leave a part of me here, there, everywhere and I forget. Well I'm not really complaining, it's a change. And change is the only constant. Amidst everything in life, change is sometimes good too.

For now,
I need to remember all I've done at work (which, by the way, I've severely underestimated) so I can phrase them into my report.
Bearing in mind the deadline as well.
Oh, the end is near! And the end is where I begin. Can't wait :)


And I'm not being emo. That's so yesteryear.

All Time.

Last night,

I watched The Notebook (again),

and cried (again).

It is what I'd say a Beautiful Tragedy.

FOREVER

In my heart is where you are, it's where you'll always be

Staring out across the stars, a perfect memory

It brings me back to your arms, I feel the warm embrace

Of everything that you were, you're everything to me

And if I leave you here forever, forever I would stay
Cause I've been feeling so much better, with every single day
And if I could control the weather, the clouds and the rain

I know you're part of something deeper, you're better off this way

You can predict you can't become, lost in your ways
I miss you most now you're gone, I'll never be the same
I can hold back whene it shows, I'm breaking down to say
I won't forget who you were, you're everything to me

And if I leave you here forever, forever I would stay
Cause I've been feeling so much better, with every single day
And if I could control the weather, the clouds and the rain
I know you're part of something deeper, you're better off this way

And now you left me here forever, forever I will wait
I know someday we'll be together

/Amber Pacific

*

There are certain lines that cannot be crossed,

certain boundaries that should not be challenged.

Like a one-way street, there is no other way out. You can't say; Stop! Reverse. Exit.

There is only one-way out, and the way out is in.

Not now, I'm busy.

My life has been shortened by one and a half weeks: 17 may 2010.

OMGBREATHE.