Heartbeats

Heartbeats Lyrics
by Ellie Goulding

One night to be confused
One night to speed up truth
We had a promise made
Four hands and then away

Both under influence
We had divine scent
To know what to say
Mind is a razor blade

To call for hands from above to lean on
Wouldn’t be good enough for me now

One night of magic rush
The start a simple touch
One night to push and scream
And then relief

Ten days of perfect tunes
The colors red and blue
We had a promise made
We were in love

To call for hands from above to lean on
Wouldn’t be good enough for me now

To call for hands from above to lean on
Wouldn’t be good enough

And you
You knew the hand of a devil
And you
Kept us awake with wolves teeth
Sharing different heartbeats in one night

To call for hands from above to lean on
Wouldn’t be good enough for me now

To call for hands from above to lean on
Wouldn’t be good enough for me now

To lean on
Wouldn’t be good enough for me now

-Ellie Goulding

When the lights go out,

We'll be safe and sound.

We'll take control of the world,

Like it's all we have to hold on to

And we'll be, a Dream.

Lesser Things

She has told you what she’d bring
You’re entertained by lesser things
You’ve got to step it up a bit step it a bit more until
You’re sure there’s nothing left inside to hurt this pretty mind
Cause pretty eyes will see right through you

She’ll find out
She’ll break down
Stop this now

If you make it out alright
If you make it up for air
I promise you I won’t go
Before the sun gets to rise
I’ll ask this one more time
Will you have me in spite of her?

You’re barely breathing,
You're barely breathing tonight.


-Barcelona.

Parachute.

I don't tell anyone about the way you hold my hand
I don't tell anyone about the things that we have planned
I won't tell anybody
Won't tell anybody
They want to push me down
They want to see you fall (Down)

Won't tell anybody how you turn my world around
I won't tell anyone how your voice is my favourite sound
I won't tell anybody
Won't tell anybody
They want to see us fall
They want to see us fall

--

Catch me when I fall.

Halfway.

I don't deal very well with losses, I admit. Be it temporary, permanent, or forever.

These words, I heard on repeat: "A brother I never had", "sincere", "filial", "more than a friend", "cheerful", "friendly", "always a fighter", "never knew the true meaning of 'giving up' ". To you, these are just words. To those who spoke them, they are memories, lessons learnt, values they aspire to achieve.

There were just 3.5 of us, 0.5 being the Jien who wanted to be there but got caught up with unpredictable stuff at home. Sad to say, it is always the wrong reasons that bring people together: Graduation (after which we will go our separate ways), Farewells for friends leaving on exchange, Bereavement. They are barely reasons for celebration, yet get-togethers are more successful than a "Reunion". Have to admit, am utterly disappointed with the turnout from the Sixth. We are a 26-man huge comm, yet the attendance was just three. What?!

-----------------------------

And on second chances: How often are we given the privilege of that. For redemption, for convincing, for proving.

Over brunch with Yanns, we HAD to bring up the fragility and vulnerability of life.

Naturally, every mankind wants to be in control of something; be it in our lives, or simple things like Plans. I for one, plan ahead and hate uncertainties. I hate it when something not within my control crops up and calls for plan B. Here's my loophole: I always plan ahead but I never have a backup plan. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm being an alpha female; and these uncertainties leave me crippled without the empowerment of control.

But as the saying goes, we learn things best the hard way. And I'm slowly getting it.

I've effectively gotten upset with someone/myself once a day this entire week, and it's really tiring. But sometimes you don't really have anyone to blame but yourself.

*

"I'm not angry, I'm just saying,

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance."

Different

Tell myself on the ride home.
Getting tired, hating all I've known.
Holding on like it's all I have.
Count me out when it's clear that I
find it hard to say.
And you find it hard to care.

I wanted to see something that's different,
something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be anything different,
everything you would change in me.

Got this way, up front but never true.
God, I'm wrong, it's just the way I am.
Crashing down any chance you'll hear.
Caving in any chance that you,
could see inside of me.
And I, I'll know what to say,
It's fine, this isn't Hollywood.
So fine, getting in your way.

I wanted to see something that's different,
something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be anything different,
everything you would change in me.

I'm taking a chance,
this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.
Taking a chance,
this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.

I wanted to see something that's different,
something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be anything different,
everything you would change in me.

Something that's different

--------------

Yumcha at Sgoon Gardens Countryclub with Bao just now. It was almost like we've been doing it for years, and we possibly will. Well at least until Ames shifts to The Duxton or something yes? (: haha
It feels like grown ups taking a break from their worklife/family catching up over a pseudo Sunday brunch and tea. Talking abt good old times, prospective futures, and current affairs.

Today I also broke my blackbird in the morning in a furious attempt to rewind and eject the film roll to develop. And by doing so I've exposed almost the entire roll of film and had no idea what I was doing/trying to do. I got so mad I broke the film door while trying to force it open. Then I got so helpless I forced everyth shut, shoved it in a black bag and taped it up. Seef, I hope you revive it.

FOREVER

In my heart is where you are, it's where you'll always be

Staring out across the stars, a perfect memory

It brings me back to your arms, I feel the warm embrace

Of everything that you were, you're everything to me

And if I leave you here forever, forever I would stay
Cause I've been feeling so much better, with every single day
And if I could control the weather, the clouds and the rain

I know you're part of something deeper, you're better off this way

You can predict you can't become, lost in your ways
I miss you most now you're gone, I'll never be the same
I can hold back whene it shows, I'm breaking down to say
I won't forget who you were, you're everything to me

And if I leave you here forever, forever I would stay
Cause I've been feeling so much better, with every single day
And if I could control the weather, the clouds and the rain
I know you're part of something deeper, you're better off this way

And now you left me here forever, forever I will wait
I know someday we'll be together

/Amber Pacific

Retrace

Oh, how I've tried to get you out of my head.
And I lied, broken words I said.
Never thought I'd walk on this street again.
Standing where it all began.

Tried to forget when I left this town,
But it takes me right back when I come back around.

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night.
I'm right there by your side.
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.
Counting backwards while the stars are falling.

Oh, how I find every subtle thing screams your name.
It reminds me of places of times we shared.
Couldn't live locked in these memories.
Now I'm chained to my thoughts again.

And I tried to forget when I left this town,
But I'll take you right back if you come back around.

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night.
I'm right there by your side.
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.
Counting backwards while the stars are falling.

I need some shelter, I need some safety.
Photographs, they haunt me lately.
Chasing shadows as the evening takes me.
I'm still searching, but the picture's fading.

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night.
I'm right there by your side.
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.
Counting backwards, still counting backwards.

And no where else has ever felt like home.
And I can't fall asleep when I'm lying here alone.
I replay your voice, it's like you're here.
You move the earth, but now the sky is falling.

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night.
In my mind, I'm back by your side.
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away.
Counting backwards while the stars are falling.


Anberlin.

Friday, the 13th.

Everything happens for a reason.

Thought I'd meet the Bestie for supper so I didn't want to ask the CarameloFrappo to accompany me study so I didn't go down to study cos I don't like being alone. So I came online to get some company and listen to music and do work in Brother's room.

Company: checked.
Music: checked.
Do work: Unchecked.

Not only did I not get any work done, I also dug my own pathway to find my own grave.
If only something which happened in the previous string of events didn't occur I wouldn't be where I am now.
You're not the only one who knows how to avoid and run away from reality you don't want to face,
so do I. I just don't cos it comes back to haunt you anyway.


So this tallies with how I feel tonight:

I never needed you to be strong
I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs
I never needed pain, I never needed strain
My love for you was strong enough, you should have known

I never needed you for judgements
I never needed you to question what I spent
I never asked for help, I take care of myself
I don't know why you think you gotta hold on me

And it's a little late for conversations
There isn't anything for you to say
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,
So look at me and listen to me
Because

I don't want to stay another minute
I don't want you
to say a single word
Hush hush, hush hush
There is no other way, I get
the final say because
I don't want to do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush hush, hush hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush hush

I never needed your corrections
On everything from how I act to what I say
I never needed words, I never needed hurt
I never needed you to be there every day

I'm sorry for the way I let go
On everything I wanted when you came
along
But I ain't never beatin', broken not defeated
I know next to you
is not where I belong

What a wet Friday the 13th.
Didn't realise it til G mentioned it halfway into the day.

Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

We made plans to be unbreakable,
Love was all we knew.
No insurance for the unthinkable,
Blindly get us through.
We've been searching for a lifetime,
Short as it may seem.
Riding on the fumes that spark us,
While igniting dreams.


Driving in the rain to the hospital,
Quiet aches intense,
What at once just seemed the impossible,
Now makes perfect sense.
We held hands to face the uncomfortable cold,
And lonely room.
Magazines and empty distractions
Barely got us through.


And when we try to think of the life inside,
We found ourselves looking at the world through new eyes.
What can now be said?
Oh, little one on the other side.
Dance until the band stops playing,
Sing with all your might.

Mistakes we knew we were making.
Mistakes we knew we were making.
Don't think about chances we're taking,
Don't think about rules we were breaking.
Mistakes we knew...

The list goes on and on.

--Mae.

Guiding Light.

"Pure hearts stumble
In my hands, they crumble
Fragile and stripped to the core
I can't hurt you anymore

Loved by numbers
You're losing life's wonder
Touch like strangers detached
I can't feel you anymore"

Thank you, MUSE!

Yes, TheResistance is awesomeeee.

Two Is Better Than One.

You came into my life

And I thought hey

You know this could be something

'Cause everything you do and words you say

You know that it all takes my breath away

And now I'm left with nothing

'Cause maybe it's true, that I can't live without you

Well maybe two is better than one

There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life

And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking two, is better than one

I remember every look upon your face,

The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste

You make it hard for breathing

'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away

I think of you and everythings okay

And finally now, we're leaving

And maybe it's true, that I can't live without you

Well maybe two is better than one

There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life

And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking two, is better than one

//BoysLikeGirls & TaylorSwift.

Fallen From Grace.

These scars we wear remind us
The more we change
The more we're all the same
Swept up in this emotion
We fumble through
and make the same
mistakes
Cause' we are led
To the edge

Carry me down
Roll it in your arms
Cause' I can't remember
Ever falling this hard

******

It has been quite a while since I hit this space.

I just had dinner with a 9 year old at the dinner table a few hours back. Watching her eat reminded me (and my mom) very largely of myself about a decade ago.

How I like my rice wet and my potatoes smashed; how I liked it when Mommy cut up chicken and pork chunks so I don't have difficulty chewing.

This 9 year old and I are not related, neither have we known each other for long. But we're close. She sleeps on my bed, hugs my elmo, wears my tshirts (which becomes dresses), tags along for my meeting and meetup, holds my hand when we're out, shares our favourites and secrets when we lie in the beds next to each other.

And I love her to bits(:

Been supercraving for durian/durian puffs lately all thanks to PrezAw.

Made S drive all the way to J.oochiat to get some which fell short of expectations (which were built upon the reviews). We were then enticed by the BKT which resulted in us getting a parking ticket... >=(

Today after a terrible friendly, we met KWANJIELING who is back from Indon for (less than) a week. =) It was just the usual 6 of us; whom I've missed much. But it was good time together. Felt no different from a sem ago where we gathered for CNY steamboat reunion/welcome Phil back from NZ/ HTHT dinner. As usual, we spent lotsa money on food, food and more food. A little bit on shopping, and forgot to take many pictures. But it was good happy time. Topped up the Happy juice. (: Yay.

Back to work tomorrow. =(

"Today is Your Lucky Day!"

Say it again for me
Cause I love the way it feels when you are telling me that

I'm the only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It's like the whole world stops to listen

when you tell me you're in love

Say it again

-----

Today we received TWO pieces of good news.

ONE: WE ONLY NEED TO STUDY FOUR CHAPTERS FOR MATH. KICK ASS OR WHAT.

TWO: Our project is very well done!!!

But......... (here's the story)

After many months of indecision, We, the MGM ComPany have decided to SU our elective.

And today, after the deadline of the SU declaration,

our lecturer said:

"VERY GOOD!" x 294320 times,

and eventually said the most heartwrenching thing; "This is one of the best projects."

W#$#@(%*RU$@%T@$I*%R@!#$E@#

We threw away a free A. :(

Love Wasn't Built For Speed.

Sometimes tears say all there is to say

Sometime your first scars wont ever fade, away

Tried to break my heart 

Well it's broke

Tried to hang me high 

Well I'm choked 

Wanted rain on me

Well I'm soaked 

Soaked to the skin 

It's the end where I begin 

Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes 

Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away 

Tried to break my heart 

Well it's broke

Tried to hang me high 

Well I'm choked 

Wanted rain on me

Well I'm soaked 

Soaked to the skin 

It's the end where I begin 

Now I'm alive

and my ghosts are gone

I've shed all the pain

I've been holding on 

The cure for a heart 

Is to move along

What don't kill a heart

Only makes it strong

It's the end where I begin.

--The Script.

Something (still) Feels Missing.

I've been feeling really choked over the weekend,

and I've lost ownership of many things especially control over my emotions.

I've been really stretched and jaded,

and finally the numbness started to wear off.

This self-defensive bubble wrap has secured me for close to two weeks,

and finally together with the end of the season, it wore down and allowed what it shouldn't have to penetrate.

Finally, the waterworks. After much postponement.

I've also been having too much of a sugar fix.

Starbucks and coffee bean and bubble tea and endless ice cream cravings.

And it's not good. :(

Just last night, Mom went on and on about how I need to eat more/eat well/put on weight and she thinks I'm troubled but keeping it to myself. 

Played my first (and probably the last) Mixed game of the season. Just to make up the numbers though, and comfortably slot myself in the wing at every opportunity possible. (Except the times during substitution where I got pushed to the middle) Was a little scared but thank you AL for being very encouraging. (: Haha. We won 8-3.

The entire Saturday afternoon at turf = sunburnt. (Even with sunblock!)

Too much Uv rays gave me a headache and fever over dinner. But I still caught Witch Mountain anyways. :( Missed Ahgong and Arthur who were at Barrage!!! But I needed the rest anyway (I think.)

Sunday; time with Penguin (again :D). Plus MrsDarcy came to join us. (:

This song is like my Song-For-The-Weekend and I still can't get it out of my head.

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving

And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you, 

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok

I'm falling to pieces, 

(One still in love while the other ones leaving)

I'm falling to pieces 

(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Your Own Tragedy.

just think of this and me
as just a few of the many things
to lie around,
to clutter up your shelves
and I wish you weren't worth the wait
cause there are some things
that I'd like to say to you

.

.

.

.

.

.

But I've grown weary from conversations that lead to misunderstandings and defensive excuses.

Leavin' me stranded all in love on my own

Stranded in this spooky town,
Stop lights are swayin'
And the phone lines are down
Snow is crackling cold,
She took my heart, I think she took my soul
With the moon I run,
Far from the carnage of the firey sun

Drivin' by the strangle of vain
Showin' no mercy I'll do it again
Open up your eyes
You keep on crying, baby I'll bleed you dry
Skies are beneath me
I see a storm bubbling up from the sea

And it's coming closer.

KOL.

A Fleeting Moment

When we collide we lose ourselves.

When we collide we break in two,

And as we push and we shove and we hurt the ones we love,

It's a hard mistake.

When we collide,

When we collide.

Have you ever wanted something so much and refused to let it go though you know you had to?

Like the blankie you grew up with, or a so-tattered-beyong-hope teddy your daddy gave you on your 5th birthday?

Kings Of Leon = The Sex. Seriously.

I've been roaming around

Always looking down at all I see

Painted faces, fill the places I cant reach

You know that I could use somebody

You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you, And all you know, And how you speak

Countless lovers under cover of the street

You know that I could use somebody

You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you

Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep

Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat

I hope it's gonna make you notice

I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me, somebody

Someone like you, somebody

*